Slacked a lot today...woke up at 12 noon and had 2 more naps since...Watched HellBoy in the evening and found it average fare..Bought 2 bars of chocolate..Stumbled upon 2 strangers' blogs while looking for sth else altogether...
Turns out the 2 pple (girls, i presume) whom the blogs belong to are avid Jpop fans. Reading their blogs, i was reminded exactly of how i felt at age 16, when i was head over heels in love with my jap idols, and nothing else seemed to matter except the constant pursuit of my idols and doing stuff that made me feel closer to them (learning Jap, listening to jpop, watching dramas, reading manga, etc). But somewhere from J1 until now, i've allowed reality to step in and kinda slapped myself awake to reality. Dreams? What dreams? There's no place for dreams in reality. Somehow, i just started oppressing what my heart really wants..kinda like conscious self-inflicted oppression? (ha, i'm infamous for doing this kind of shit to myself)
I reminisced about that simpler frame of mind that i had...bonding with like-minded frens thru the pursuit of similar interests....goofing around...i was much happier then...just loving jpop, no reason why, no questions asked.
Why i fell for j-pop? I think it was the beautiful lyrics. Promises for a better future. The message that realising your dreams and finding happiness is possible. Encouraging pple to dream, assuring pple that the sky is the limit. Songs full of hope and buzzing with energy/optimism of youth. The fact that those songs are in a foreign language makes the lyrics all the more 'poetic' in a way. Bishounen doing their thing with cool dance moves. Touching/'simple'/funny/unique dramas, different from the local fare. Hilarious yet impossibly romantic manga/anime. J pop culture is just so positive with that "fight for your own happiness/dreams" message that it advocates. And right now, what i need is the past. The past which is rich with promises of beautiful things waiting for me ahead. I need something to believe in. And that's what j-pop does for me.
So, i guess my old flame has returned to take care of my mental health in these times of need, when my gd frens aren't around & reality is weighing down in me. Not that there's anything wrong with the 03S13 girls. It's just me...Or else it's everybody. Ok, i dunno....I just feel that there's this 'gap' btwn us.
We're just fundamentally different: me from a more Eng-speaking but jap-crazed environment and them from a more mandarin-speaking environment. As much as w're willing to try, i think there's only so much progress we can make. i think my prob lies with language and the level in tiacy that it can bring 2 pple together. Like, one Indian and one Japanese are very unlikely to communicate well and build a frenship beyond a certain level of intimacy cos of that mutual language barrier. Cos what you think and how you feel/act is tied to your culture, which is in turn tied to language.
I have tried to adapt & become more like them by using more mandarin but in the end, i just feel oppressed instead. I feel like i'm murdering more of myself each day.
This holiday has allowed me to think my priorities through. Who i am, what i really love, what i wanna be in future. Simple yet unattainable dreams.
All i can say is, if i am to go through some changes, i'd rather evolve gradually than force myself to change. And if i am to mature, i'd rather mature with circumstances and experiences than forcing myself to grow up just because reality dictates that i haf to. i shall be who i want to be and be happy with that.
Jpop - unpractical/unrealistic? hell...it makes me happy. That's what counts.
Turns out the 2 pple (girls, i presume) whom the blogs belong to are avid Jpop fans. Reading their blogs, i was reminded exactly of how i felt at age 16, when i was head over heels in love with my jap idols, and nothing else seemed to matter except the constant pursuit of my idols and doing stuff that made me feel closer to them (learning Jap, listening to jpop, watching dramas, reading manga, etc). But somewhere from J1 until now, i've allowed reality to step in and kinda slapped myself awake to reality. Dreams? What dreams? There's no place for dreams in reality. Somehow, i just started oppressing what my heart really wants..kinda like conscious self-inflicted oppression? (ha, i'm infamous for doing this kind of shit to myself)
I reminisced about that simpler frame of mind that i had...bonding with like-minded frens thru the pursuit of similar interests....goofing around...i was much happier then...just loving jpop, no reason why, no questions asked.
Why i fell for j-pop? I think it was the beautiful lyrics. Promises for a better future. The message that realising your dreams and finding happiness is possible. Encouraging pple to dream, assuring pple that the sky is the limit. Songs full of hope and buzzing with energy/optimism of youth. The fact that those songs are in a foreign language makes the lyrics all the more 'poetic' in a way. Bishounen doing their thing with cool dance moves. Touching/'simple'/funny/unique dramas, different from the local fare. Hilarious yet impossibly romantic manga/anime. J pop culture is just so positive with that "fight for your own happiness/dreams" message that it advocates. And right now, what i need is the past. The past which is rich with promises of beautiful things waiting for me ahead. I need something to believe in. And that's what j-pop does for me.
So, i guess my old flame has returned to take care of my mental health in these times of need, when my gd frens aren't around & reality is weighing down in me. Not that there's anything wrong with the 03S13 girls. It's just me...Or else it's everybody. Ok, i dunno....I just feel that there's this 'gap' btwn us.
We're just fundamentally different: me from a more Eng-speaking but jap-crazed environment and them from a more mandarin-speaking environment. As much as w're willing to try, i think there's only so much progress we can make. i think my prob lies with language and the level in tiacy that it can bring 2 pple together. Like, one Indian and one Japanese are very unlikely to communicate well and build a frenship beyond a certain level of intimacy cos of that mutual language barrier. Cos what you think and how you feel/act is tied to your culture, which is in turn tied to language.
I have tried to adapt & become more like them by using more mandarin but in the end, i just feel oppressed instead. I feel like i'm murdering more of myself each day.
This holiday has allowed me to think my priorities through. Who i am, what i really love, what i wanna be in future. Simple yet unattainable dreams.
All i can say is, if i am to go through some changes, i'd rather evolve gradually than force myself to change. And if i am to mature, i'd rather mature with circumstances and experiences than forcing myself to grow up just because reality dictates that i haf to. i shall be who i want to be and be happy with that.
Jpop - unpractical/unrealistic? hell...it makes me happy. That's what counts.
posted by bf at
1:08 AM
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