wah...damn tired after interhse cheerleading practice...i really feel like pulling out cos it's eating up my personal time. But i guess i'll stay on cos i wan my hse to win of course! That's why i haven't doing much hw lately...

Shit i sorta injured my back again....i think i must haf pulled a muscle or sth... haiz... haven't been cheering for a long time liao...Gotta rest..if not i'll get a terrible back when i'm old..

There's this stunt grp in my hse with 2 strong bases. They look tall and macho and all but actually, they're really afraid of getting hurt. What wusses. Pls lor...see what kind of injury we experienced as cheerleaders!!!! They're worried abt a gazillion things: afraid of lifting the flyer too fast frm half to full extension cos 'she'll fly off'; afraid of spraining their wrists; they're afraid of exerting too much force for the cradle for fear that the flyer will fly outwards and they'll get hurt, etc etc... I was like, "... ... Can we pls get some real men here?!!!"

ok, ok, fine. I guess i am being harsh. They're amateurs after all and they aren't exactly crazy abt it. Well, to their credit, they're working really hard to do the stunts. But still, i feel that cheerleading is sth that you should enjoy. The whole objective of cheerleading is to attract the crowd's attention, hold it, and make them eager to see what we've got and hunger for more. You shud concentrate on bettering the stunts instead of worrying abt this or that. Safety is important but hello? How can you start to live if you don't take risks?!

Hope i can convey to them how fun cheerleading is. The whole "working together for a performance" thing...ahhh...it's so satisfying!!!!!!!!!

Oh yes wei wei...haha i won't forget abt flag day...
it was pretty slack...did only 4hrs but the amt of $ i collected was less than wat hui ling and ming yong collected in 1.5hrs -_-"
Was a damn tiring experience, but the highlight was that a tall/skinny/tanned RI guy donated to me voluntarily =D Wei wei and i shopped at Junction 8 and i bot 4 pairs of socks and 2 purses =D After that, serene, shuang and i went to toa payoh library and borrowed some bks...heh heh slack huh?

Sian...haven't been blogging recently cos v busy with interhse cl...haiz...really dun feel like helping out cos gotta sacrifice a lot of personal time..sian diaoz...

Went home at a record time of 11.25am ytd. Had a gd time sleeping...And i finished my comic book called Ray. It's quite cool lah...abt this girl with x-ray eyes. 10yrs ago she was adopted by an illegal organisation that sells human organs for transplant. Then her eyes were 'sold' and shortly afdter that she was rescued and given a pair of x-ray eyes by some stranger called "B.J." This bk is pretty cool but i think there were some gratuitious images of a nearly naked girl which reeks of "shounen manga!". But it is precisely becoz this bk belongs to the shounen genre that it actually has a decent plot in the first place.



Shit chem organic test coming up...shit double shit

Colour of energy

Your Energy is Green. You are easygoing, stable
and bring feelings of peace and natural harmony
to those in your presence. You have good
perception and awareness about most things, but
you don't apreciated sudden surprises.

You are a natural healer and would make an ideal
physician, office manager, herbologist,
anthropologist, or Accountant.


What color is your energy?
brought to you by Quizilla

Haha...went to xy's blog juz now...and maybe i'll consider having my own website too =D

I've been watching lotsa films lately, hoping to catch sth that would teach me more abt life, bring me out of my confusion. But i'm usually disappointed. I guess Life itself is the best teacher....

I've settled into Nj...into my routine & my classmates. Been having lots of laughs with them these days...cracking jokes abt "Missing", an odd but not unlikely couple (according to huiling) in the class and abt a particular male classmate *ggrrrrr* I can see myself living like this till the end of the year..Hmmm...must take photos of my class & sch one day

I've seen a few blogs and seems like many pple are depressed inside. Like, they always act happy & cheerful when actually they feel as depressed as everyone else. But isn't inexplicable? That we, a generation weened on comfort, are severely depressed?

We practically grew up with MRT and affluence and globalisation. But on the flip side, we suffer from the pressure to do well in our studies, CCA & being an all-rounder. There are parents who are willing to spend large amounts of money for tuition classes. We have the best of everything and yet we're still insatiated. Starved.

Starved, i think, of a purpose in life. We study so much that we miss out what really matters in life. Like, developing a love for country and community. (btw MOE's NE programme is screwed. Doomed for failure.) Seriously, at this age, we don't know what we want to do with our lives. We study so much but in the end it has no relation to what we want to do. WTH. Some of us don't even know what the heck we're doing in JC, only entering JC on parents insistence or just going with the flow. And it doesn't help that the govt always takes care of us, to the extent that we've become a generation that only know enjoyment but not ambition.

Sigh. Wish there was a film studies course in Singapore.

Sigh. Every generation has its own worries.

Current spin: Pikanchi Double by Arashi

i know it's friggin late now and u all muz be wondering what i'm doing here at 12.40am. (I'm wondering abt that myself too) Nvm i'm just acting irresponsibly, as only youths can...

Hmmm....familiarised myself with Kinki Kids' "Ne, Ganbaru Yo". Really sweet song abt love...sth for newly weds ;P Been trying to find the translation for Arashi's Pikanchi Double. But to no avail. Arggh. Read 6 pple's blogs.

Was PMS-ing juz now...like, every thing just went wrong/or rubbed me the wrong way...i'm sure u girls can empathise. i was so pissed (over nothing, actually) that i cried. And i'm one who always bottles up my feelings...so in the end all that comes out is salt water from the corner of my eyes.

Anyway gd job to Hui Ling & Shuang Han. I know u two did ur best for the Standing Board Jump shit. Yep 2 more weeks...train up! Maybe hui ling can try strapping dumbbells to your leg & then jumping across the gymnasium, & over all the machinery...haha...Anyways, you can do it girlZ~

Girlfriend

-Motherly- You're the motherly type. You love to
take care of the one you love, and generally
you can be a bit overprotective and possessive,
but you know, that isn't always such a bad
thing. At least you'll be a good mom in the
future.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Passion Of the Christ
Yep...caught the film on thurs with Hui Ling, Shuang han and Wei Wei. I was sticking to Shuang Han and half covering my face during the violent parts. I cried over the parts showing Mary's love for her son.......My god, no mother should have to watch her son tortured....it's HORRIBLE. But somewhere in the later part of film, you do get desentisised towards the violence. Like, it doesn't shock you anymore. Storywise, i already know that Christ is going to be cruxified and all that so i wasn't too surprised. But seriously, this film didn't like move me to become a Christian or sth. Being the non-Christian that i am, i don't even know what message am i supposed to get from the film! I couldn't identify with the events in the film as a person in the 21st century. Plus i'm not even a Christian to begin with. The only issue i can relate is that of motherly love. Other than that, huh?

Project Work
Yay....got an A2 for project work!!!!!!! Terrible...i tot qx deserved worst XP I'll never forget those horrible times: coming with ideas and knowing that qx won't come up with any; having to look at him sleep during our meeting; doing the written report at jessica's house until 11pm; Serene & i xiang1 yi1 wei2 ming4 for the project; the stoopid chinese doc from Ma Guang, NICHAEL TAY as our supervising tutor; editing the 30 odd slides for op until 3 (fucking) am; scared that i won't be able to speak loud wnough for the op, or screw up my lines.......... Iro iro wasurenai ne....

But there were valuable lessons gained too...from serene, i learnt abt responsibility & doing things early (instead of ling2 shi2 bao4 fuo2 jiao3) & not quitting even when youre tired & asking whenever you have doubts. Plus i befriended serene =D Yep...so a gd part of my grade is her gong1 lao2...but i guess the others also in some way or another (jess: written report & op; qx: op) also made this project what it was so thanks to everyone in NJ068.

Chem pract
It sucked. So i'm going to study for it liao. I swear.

Yoiko no mikata
This is Sho's time as a lead actor in a drama. Heplays Suzuki Taiyou, a male kindergaten teacher. Ok...this probably explains his fake/nauseatingly sweet smile (he looked terrible!). His expression just isn't normal, ok? I know he's trying to show how much character likes kids but still...

I thought Sho couldn't act until the episode where his kindergarten teacher died. That teacher was a major influence on him cos he lost his parents to a car accident at the age of 3 and that teacher was very nice to him when he was in kindergarten. Taiyou respected that teacher a lot and wanted to be a great kindergarten teacher just like him to repay his kindness and guidance. That episod, Sho was damn sad....i think he acted really well....he actually moved me to tears...

Oh Aiba & Ohno also made cameo appearances in the show...Ohno was quite gao3 xiao4 lah...his 'gorilla' walk...I'll finish it soon so i can return it. But i kinda wish that sho would be cast in a cool/brooding role cos his face suits that kind of role better...

Stomache
Shit i had a terrible stomachache this morning at around 6.30am.....damn pain lor...felt like my intestines were twisted into knots...which made me think of Jesus' suffering...mine pales in comparison.... but i've recovered liao...i think the nasi lemak i ate ytd was dirty or sth...and it was catered for the interact orientation...wonder if the rest are still alive...

Find The Way
by Nakashima Mika

doushite kimi wa chiisana te de
kizu wo seoou to suru no darou?
dareka no tame dake jyanai miushiwanaide

doushite boku wa mayoinagara
nigedasu koto dekinai darou?
nozomu no wa hikari sasu hi wo hi wo

Find The Way
kagayaku sora ni te wa todokanakute mo
hibiku ai dake tayori ni
susunda michi no saki hikari ga mitsukaru kara
You'll Find The Way

kimi wa itta nagai yume wo mita
totemo kanashii yume datta to
soredemo sono sugata wa sukoshi demo kumoranai

boku wa itta naite iin da to
zutto soba ni ite ageru yo
hoshii no wa dakiageru te wo te wo

Find The Way
kotoba nakute mo
tobu hane wa nakute mo
midasu kaze ni makenu you ni
ima dare yori hayaku itami ni kizuketa nara
kotae wo dasu koto
kitto subete janai
aseranakute
iin da yo
anata mo...

Find The Way
kagayaku sora ni te wa todokanakute mo
hibiku ai dake tayori ni
susunda michi no saki hikari ga mitsukaru kara

Find The Way
kotoba nakute mo
tobu hane wa nakute mo
midasu kaze ni maken you ni

susunda michi no saki tashika na hikari wo mita...
You'll Find The Way

Friends Forever
wow....just read Hui Ling and Shuang Han's blogs. To the both of them: thx a lot for taking the time to console me/talk sense into me. I'm really touched by ur efforts =D

I was very touched & shocked that pple were actually so concerned abt me.

I agree with what hl said abt all of us being of diff wavelengths. So i guess we should make do with who we have and be happy. I've had quite a few gut-busting moments with the 03S13 girls that i'll remember fondly in the future.

"You get only as much as you put in." I guess this is the same for friendship & everything else. i guess i tink too much larh...should concentrate of being happy rather than dwell on other stuff. Sth to add: Thx to s-han for the lovely lyrics.... You3 yi4 wan4 sui4!!! ;D

Blackout
As most of u have probably read in the papers, there was a blackout in the West and North last night at ard 11.30pm. I was packing my bag when suddenly the light just went off. And thanks to Incredible Tales which i caught on TV earlier, i had my suspicions that the blackout was of a supernatural cause. i panicked internally but told myself to act calm. You don't want to show fear in front of those things.

But anyway, i found out that the neighbouring block in front of mine was in darkness as well. Luckily the one behind mine wasn't, so i still had some light to brush my teeth in.

My family didn't take the initiative to call the relevant authorities so I kinda got worried cos i thought, "What if other pple are just like me, (the bochap singaporeans that we are, waiting for someone else to call? What if everyone's waiting for everyone else to call?" Then doesn't it mean that nothing's gonna be done?!!! The thought of terrorists launching an attack on S'pore now flashed briefly across my mind. And i was well & truly spooked. More so by this thought than by the idea of having ghosts in my house.

Like Tina said, we're really unprepared for emergencies. And that's what i felt last night. My family went to bed when the electricity got cut off. Tina's family only had 1 torchlight in working order out of the 5 in their house. It's terrible how complacent we usually are...

Love
No, no, this is not a paragraph dedicated to boys. =P 'Love' is the title of Nakshima Mika's album which my angel has kindly burned for me. (my angel is so nice! i was so 'ohmygod' when i saw the cd). I've heard the album a few times since i received it on mon & my verdict is: It's ok...

Nakashima Mika sings pretty well (at least better than Ayumi. Wait, Ayumi doesn't sing, she squeaks! *horrors*) 'Love' is full of jazzy, upbeat numbers but i like ballads more....so i'll recommend Aroma, Yuki no Hana (i love the music box sound of the intro! Really sweet..), Find The Way, Aishiteru & Last Waltz (nice ending track). Her voice reminds me of Do As Infinity's Van Tomiko...but Mika's sound is more jazz than pop-rock.

Slacked a lot today...woke up at 12 noon and had 2 more naps since...Watched HellBoy in the evening and found it average fare..Bought 2 bars of chocolate..Stumbled upon 2 strangers' blogs while looking for sth else altogether...

Turns out the 2 pple (girls, i presume) whom the blogs belong to are avid Jpop fans. Reading their blogs, i was reminded exactly of how i felt at age 16, when i was head over heels in love with my jap idols, and nothing else seemed to matter except the constant pursuit of my idols and doing stuff that made me feel closer to them (learning Jap, listening to jpop, watching dramas, reading manga, etc). But somewhere from J1 until now, i've allowed reality to step in and kinda slapped myself awake to reality. Dreams? What dreams? There's no place for dreams in reality. Somehow, i just started oppressing what my heart really wants..kinda like conscious self-inflicted oppression? (ha, i'm infamous for doing this kind of shit to myself)

I reminisced about that simpler frame of mind that i had...bonding with like-minded frens thru the pursuit of similar interests....goofing around...i was much happier then...just loving jpop, no reason why, no questions asked.

Why i fell for j-pop? I think it was the beautiful lyrics. Promises for a better future. The message that realising your dreams and finding happiness is possible. Encouraging pple to dream, assuring pple that the sky is the limit. Songs full of hope and buzzing with energy/optimism of youth. The fact that those songs are in a foreign language makes the lyrics all the more 'poetic' in a way. Bishounen doing their thing with cool dance moves. Touching/'simple'/funny/unique dramas, different from the local fare. Hilarious yet impossibly romantic manga/anime. J pop culture is just so positive with that "fight for your own happiness/dreams" message that it advocates. And right now, what i need is the past. The past which is rich with promises of beautiful things waiting for me ahead. I need something to believe in. And that's what j-pop does for me.

So, i guess my old flame has returned to take care of my mental health in these times of need, when my gd frens aren't around & reality is weighing down in me. Not that there's anything wrong with the 03S13 girls. It's just me...Or else it's everybody. Ok, i dunno....I just feel that there's this 'gap' btwn us.

We're just fundamentally different: me from a more Eng-speaking but jap-crazed environment and them from a more mandarin-speaking environment. As much as w're willing to try, i think there's only so much progress we can make. i think my prob lies with language and the level in tiacy that it can bring 2 pple together. Like, one Indian and one Japanese are very unlikely to communicate well and build a frenship beyond a certain level of intimacy cos of that mutual language barrier. Cos what you think and how you feel/act is tied to your culture, which is in turn tied to language.

I have tried to adapt & become more like them by using more mandarin but in the end, i just feel oppressed instead. I feel like i'm murdering more of myself each day.

This holiday has allowed me to think my priorities through. Who i am, what i really love, what i wanna be in future. Simple yet unattainable dreams.

All i can say is, if i am to go through some changes, i'd rather evolve gradually than force myself to change. And if i am to mature, i'd rather mature with circumstances and experiences than forcing myself to grow up just because reality dictates that i haf to. i shall be who i want to be and be happy with that.


Jpop - unpractical/unrealistic? hell...it makes me happy. That's what counts.

Yan Ling: YAN LIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Missed you a lot!!!!!!!! =D

03S13 girls: Are we going to have a sleepover on thurs night? (pls say yes, pls say yes, pls say yes!)

Realised how much i missed out by pledging 'visual celibacy' when i went out with Yan Ling after sch on fri...haha...As usual, she was looking out for cute guys around her and i, too, got into the mood. (but she still spots more than i do..must be our height disparity or sth)

In the past, i would get all hot and bothered by cute guys but now, when i see them, i'm like, "So what?" Like, that feeling is gone cos right now, to me, having good looks does not equal to having a good heart. So, whatever.....

Sat's NAPHA was ok. Managed to scrape a silver, no thanks to standing board jump (yes, shuang han, i can hear u groaning already) but that's fine.

Anyway, i went to watch the juniors train and looks like the standard of their stunts is even worse than ours. What's worse is that they're facing a manpower shortage. There's only like, 13 pple on the squad and my batch had like, 25!!(??!!!!) I know this is damn bad to the juniors but if Maelstrom closes down due to insufficient manpower, serves Tay right...that asshole...

Wanna watch Mystic River!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it's always at such weird timings!!!!!!!!! *fRoWnz* I actually tot of not watching movies for the rest of the yr to concentrate on my studies but i found that that's quite a formidable task in itself. Not mentioning the fact that i'll probably go nuts if i don't go out and unwind from time to time. So i guess i have to strike a balance btwn work and play, esp when my zodiac prediction of the week says

"You are conscientious and driven at work, but do not ignore your personal life. Remember that all work and no play makes for a dull life, so try to keep a balance."

Went out with Yan Ling and Peggy on sat to do hw at Woodlands Library. We were very unprouctive when it came to doing work but productive instead, in finding things to distract ourselves: talking, observing cute little children walking around the library, looking at cute guys, etc. Sigh....really bad choice...My self-discipline disappears when i'm around them while my mouth just wouldn't switch off. I think i'll try doing hw with mc next wk instead...

Sho has graduated from Keio university! Sho, omedetou gozaimasu! (he majored in Econs btw, that smart ass)

Sigh...damn unproductive this weekend...shit...gotta buck up liaoz!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!

=Bao's wIsHLisT=
Movies (in order of preference):
Mystic River
Dirrty Dancing 2: Havana Nights
Taking Lives
The Passion of the Christ
Big Fish