Skin Obsession

I went to the National Skin Centre to check the red dot on my forehead today. Thank goodness the doc said it was a scar, it will take time to fade.

I'm irritated with the doc. She seemed so 不理不睬...baka onna. She said she had to cut my skin to really tell what it is, so it's ok if she can't tell me conclusively what it is. But she said stupid stuff like 'but it can be covered easily with makeup'. Go eat shit. You're supposed to cure it, not cover it. Why do i pay money hear you tell me this? Why are YOU paid good money to tell your patients this???? やっぱりgovt "specialist"s はだめだ....

Haiz i think i'm PMS-ing. Every little thing irritates me now. Even my mum walking slowly irritates. I can't stand pple slower than me, physically or mentally :p I hate to wait. But i know i always make others wait. Ha. Shet. (can tell me if you buay song abt my tardiness...if not i no stimulus to change :p)

I bought some skincare products (wash, toner, moisturiser) at the skin centre for less than $70. Happynesssssss~~~~~~ Good skin, here i come!

I'm trying to change my eating habits. Eat heavy breakfast (full meal including fruit, carbo, fat etc), okay lunch and no carbo for dinner. And back to high-grain bread. (if i can keep it up)

I'm getting obsessed with weight and food. Once or twice, i'd contemplated making myself puke. But i never did. It's one of those things that you can't stop once you start. (And i hate physical discomfort.)

Anyway anyway ANYWAY, my point is - The more fully you possess something, the greater the fear of losing it. I'd put in so much effort to reach my weight, the fear of my efforts going to waste drives me nuts! I think this is probably why some pple turn obssessive with their bfs/gfs.

I like Chris Richardson from American Idol!

It's hard to be 21

My friends are facing identity crises (like i am), wondering whether this uni thing is the right path, and getting hurt by stranger's comments about them just by being themselves, etc. They are sad but i don't know how to cheer them up w/o sounding preachy. Only they themselves can snap themselves out of it, either by changing their mentality or doing sth to change themselves. Of course having pple listen to your troubles can sometimes help too. And why not? After all, we're (21-yr-olds) all are in this state of uncertainty together.

I had a talk w/ my sis recently..and i think that everyone has issues. Sad, but true. a lot of my peers are sad kids operating under veneer of normalcy. I've learnt that i can't change the world. But i don't wish my friends and family to suffer either.

I've changed rapidly since 2005. I've worked for 6 months, i've gone to tokyo, to homestay. I've been exposed to art. I've gone through an identity crisis. I've scrapped through the horriblest term ever. I've gone on a date. I've straightened things out with my sister. I've started exercising. i've lost some weight. Now all that's left is buying some new clothes and chatting up guys. haha no lah, just kidding!! I'm eager to learn baking, belly dance, piano, guitar, etc. I want to learn how to drive and ride a motorbike too. But no money!!!!

Life is like a movie. You won't know whether a choice is right or wrong until you relate it to the events b4 and after that choice. So sometimes there's no point asking whether what you're doing is right when you've already chosen a certain path. anyway, to be human is to live your life to the best of your talents and flaws. So why get so hung up abt the 'right' path? Just go on and see where the path leads you. I think regret makes you more human.

BGR
On the BGR front....i've gotten over my uni crushes except for the very first one, called wh. Dunno why....maybe cos he's the first one i crush and instincts are most accurate? i think he knows i crush him. Cos he acts weird in front of me. Like, unnatural. Oh well. He's got a girlfriend.

I crush this guy in my class. A bit lah. I've interacted with him before so i know he's just a regular guy. That kind of diminishes my feelings for him but heck, it's fun to have eye candy in school.

WFH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (wfh= western film histoy ;D)

So glad i'm done with the film history presentation.....i'm sorry to say this, but my partner wasn't very helpful. Luckily i borrowed a library book...if not our presentation would have been really short of content. It's a drag working w/ a Malay. Haiz...not that i don't like her, but i didn't like her not putting in enough effort in the project. AND her computer had to be spoilt at this time...Anyway thank god it's over!

I'm 54kg now but is it enough? i feel like going down some more, to 52kg. In part because of my belly....my limbs have slimmed down but my belly just won't budge! And my biceps are big as ever.

My low-carbo diet is driving me crazy. When i'm having sch, i won't think about food but now that the weekend is here....aahhhhhhhhh i suddenly miss the taste of kit-kat! But if i keep eating junk, my stomach will stay :( I'll try doing weights in addition to swimming. Exercising is sth i can do, but controlling my diet is really...very difficult. i can't live without rice & white bread. But there's my studies to worry abt too. I think i'm putting more effort into exercise than in my studies, which i know should not be the case.

I've been mean to stella. i feel bad about it but i can't help being mean. in fact, i don't have any warm/kind thoughts towards her at all. Just revulsion. Am i just not admitting to myself that i don't like her anymore?